First off, I fully realize this is a very personal topic. For a variety of well-thought-out reasons, not everyone who stumbles upon this post desires to become a one-income family. That’s fine. This is not written to change your thinking or convince you otherwise.
Instead, it is written to encourage those who do desire such a lifestyle. I have known a number of dual-income families over the years who desire to become one-income – typically experienced in conjunction with the birth of a child. This post is written with them in mind.
My wife and I have lived our entire married lives (13 years) on one modest income. We have proven it is possible. And if we can accomplish it, so can you. This post is written to provide you with practical thoughts and encouragement to take the very step you’ve been desiring all along.
Ten years ago, our first child was born. As my wife had always intended, she immediately resigned from her position as an administrative assistant and became a full-time homemaker. At the time, my gross income was less than $40,000/year + health insurance benefits. I offer the numbers only as a frame of reference… there are surely one-income families that live on more and some that live on less. Over the years, I have experienced a number of pay increases (as one might expect), but my career in non-profits was never chosen for its level of compensation.
Still, we were able to survive and thrive on one-income because we took some very intentional steps with our lives, finances, and decisions:
1. Ask when and why, not if. I’m all for careful planning and crunching the numbers, but I’m also all for taking risks and learning to figure things out. When my wife quit her job to stay-at-home, we looked at the financial inflow and outflow. But our intentions in analyzing the numbers were never motivated by the question “Is this going to work?” We had already made the decision. The when/why had already been determined. Budgeting was approached as the means needed to make the necessary adjustments to accomplish it… not as the determining factor.
2. If possible, prepare ahead of time. My wife and I received valuable advice when we got married. A good friend of ours told us, “Decide now to live off one income… even if both of you are working. Put the entire second income directly into savings.” This decision to live off my income alone contributed significantly to our first home’s down-payment. But more importantly, it kept our lifestyle at a level that provided options when our first child was born (or if an unexpected job loss would have occurred). If possible, begin making choices today (avoid debt, lifestyle creep, and high mortgage payments) that will accommodate one income in the future.
3. Be content with less. A one-income family will, by definition, earn less money than a two-income family. The pursuit of possessions will need to be tempered. You’ll own a smaller home with less-fancy cars. Luckily, you won’t be missing much. There’s far more joy to be found in pursuing less than can be found in owning more. *At the time, we were not living minimalist lives (that decision came later). But if we had been, the transition to one-income would have been even easier.
4. Be convinced of the benefits. There are countless benefits to staying at home with young children that motivated our decision: stability, relationship, experience, educational opportunity, scheduling flexibility, consistent discipline, fewer expenses. We recognized these benefits and used the opportunity to make one-income a reality.
5. Budget. A healthy understanding of budgeting is required in most every case. But from my experience, there are only a small variety of expenses that keep families from living on one-income: too costly mortgage, car payments, eating out frequently, exorbitant entertainment expenses (tickets, vacations, and/or alcohol), and credit card debt. Start there and you’ll solve 85-90% of your financial problems. To embrace healthy budgeting techniques, you’ll find countless budgeting tools online. But the one that works best is the one that actually provides you with the tools to live within it. *Additionally, a one-income family is one that treats all incoming revenue as “shared,” not “yours” or “mine.” If you need to change your thinking on this, do it now.
6. Find an outlet for relationship. One difficulty of removing oneself from the workforce is the loss of a built-in network of relationships. Interpersonal relationships with peers are absolutely essential to our well-being. Be intentional in seeking out a place to find them: church, community groups, mom/dad groups, activity groups, etc.
7. Find an outlet for service. You have gifts, talents, experiences, and education that our world needs. And likely, you still desire to use them. Just because you have decided to stay at home does not mean you resigned from using your gifts to change the world. Look for opportunities to use them on a broader scale. There are, after all, countless organizations (schools, community, nonprofits) that need your giftedness. Find one as an outlet for your talents.
8. Embrace temporary or part-time. If there are some internal reasons keeping you from fully becoming a full-time, stay-at-home parent, consider the options of part-time or temporary. You don’t need to leave the workforce permanently. You can still keep a toe in it by finding a part-time employment arrangement that fits your schedule/desire. And as your family becomes more self-reliant, you can always make the decision to return back to work.
Again, this post was motivated by the countless conversations I have had with families who desire to become one-income. It is not the perfect solution for every family. But it has worked well for ours on a relatively modest budget. And if it has worked for us, it is completely achievable for you.
Image: Keoni Cabral
Ok… so, instead of lobbying to make this country a single income household country… your solution is to get used to having less. This country
You can raise your kids on one income and live frugally. While doing so you can lobby for the one income household.
You cannot raise your kids if only lobbying for the one income household as by the time any successful legislation is made, your children will be grown.
Logic beats your argument. However, i do empathize with you. But to turn this gruesome money machine back back would be a tall order. Much better chance if the man worked two jobs, or if the family could somehow live with their inlaws to save on increasing rent and mortgage costs.
Yeah, I love this. We should just get used to not needing as much. A simple lifestyle.
Working online is an option as well. The parent remaining at home can do part time work online to provide additional income.
I have been a SAHM for 7 years and love it. Both my children are now in school but we have no plans for me to return to working any time soon, as for us, the benefits of me being at home are so great.
I’m not bagging working parents at all. For US, we find me being able to do the housework, garden, run errands etc means there is ample family time at the weekends. I can volunteer at school, church and in the community, using my skills. I love being the master of my day.
I have post graduate qualifications and have been quite successful in the corporate world, and before I had children, I never saw myself as being a home maker. But for my family, at present it’s been a great choice, and I would recommend it to anyone who is toying with the idea.
Yes! This is true for anyone who is married, even if you both work. If you set up your life based on one income the savings and investments for your future are limitless It also allows security for a spouce who looses his/her job, gets sick or in an accident. In the case something like this happens who wants to loose their home?
When we got married 30 years ago, we set up our life based on one income. It is much easier to do it this way in the beginning.
Living off one income when you marry is the best advice. We did that, married in 2000. My income went to savings/investments/retirement and large purchases. I was able to quit when I became a mom. We had a mortgage based on one income. With kids you lose a lot of that second income. Time and money depending on how well the work schedule and location relate to day care and school hours/calendar. There is over 40 years a person could work. Only a few decades to raise a minor child.
two points: (1) these decisions need to fit the individual families and try not to compare yourselves to others. make things work for how you as a couple and as a family can agree and enjoy. If the stay at home parent is made to feel worthless because they are not the wage earner, this will not work. The wage earner needs to realize the importance and work of the stay home person. If the woman has to “beg” for money as I often did, it becomes tragic.
(2) my father encouraged me and my two sisters to be able to work at any given time because our “wage earner husbands” might lose their jobs or be unable to work. This actually happened to all three of us due to our husbands’ illnesses. Women who are untrained or hindered will have difficult time coping when things go bad.
Yes, if any of you have had a sister loose a husband while there still are small children at home, you know the panic this causes. Each decade looks at dual incomes differently…… today, a real problem is when one or both of the couple have college debt that still needs to be paid off. Our era did not have these huge debts – how do couples handle it?………. I like your article and agree that too much $$$ is spent in some un-necessary areas.
My wife and I are on our 7th year on a one income family. Although, she does part time catering/waitressing (just to keep her sanity) the benefits have far outweighed the latter. This post leaves encouragement, cause let’s face it, it hasn’t been easy. The step toward minimalism definitely helps, plus it teaches our children to live without and focus on the important things that transform true happiness.
Curious, how is the money spent that she earns from the catering work? 7 years into a marriage is a very young marriage – many expenses have not even come your way yet. It is vital that both adults have the same mindset, life goals, ability, values, responsibilities and opportunities. Much success to you.
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I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom. I make more money than my husband. I have to fight every “suzy-homemaker” bone in my body to convince myself to go to work every day.
As a result, we are “time poor” and I have serious mom guilt. We order in a lot and the laundry piles up.
It’s a vicious cycle.
I really hope I can find some middle ground.
Exactly. I am the educated one with a masters and the breadwinner . My husband makes 30,000 and before anyone says that’s a lot you’re on drugs . We live a modest life in a small house with my two kids sharing a room. We have no cable , our cars paid off and don’t go on vacations . Our mortgage alone is 1,000 not to mention all the other bills . His salary won’t cut it . If we lived on just his WITH the necessities we would be negative $580 every month. Now this is coming from someone who does NOT take hand outs and I wouldn’t get government assistance and state insurance because I CHOSE to quit my job . If I choose to quit my job other working moms shouldn’t be forced to pay my bills .
Thirty years ago, my husband and i had the same situation; I made much more than he did. We sat down and discussed our options (especially long term) , I stay home, he stays home… We decided that I would stay home. It came as a sacrifice but not nearly as much as we thought.
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I only partially agree because is always SHAM and almost never SHAD.
This is very dangerous for women and families in case the husband loses his job or in case the marriage ends… happens so often
I think, for the benefit of the whole family, that both parents should work, but less and spend more time all together.
No more mummies and kids alone at the park!
I agree! It’s so interesting that you’re the only person to even mention the fact that it’s possible to have a one income family with the father staying at home. The “facts” cited about how having a SAHM eliminates depression in kids…it’s a tough thing to throw at women. I believe that each family should find what works best for them – both parents working, one parent working, both working part-time etc. A family where the parents are happy and fulfilled is the best way to go!
Agreed! As soon as I read that comment, I immediately felt guilty and thought “Great, because I am a working mom, my children are now going to suffer from depression” . I think women already have huge amounts of guilt about not being good enough.
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Cost of daycare clothes and transportation needed would cost more than I would bring in. Thankfully my husband has a fantastic job. I get a food budget every month. And whatever money I get from income tax and government benefit plans, I put straight into savings. I pretend it’s not there. It is in an entirely different bank than my normal chequing. And I don’t have a debit card for it. I do that because that money is hands off. But saving money has now become a hobbie. So many ppl waste their money. I do my clothing shops at second hand stores. And usually when they have sales. I make all our food from scratch. We seek out free activities in the city and mom dates. Library. Walks. We use one car. I have become more minimalistic with makeup. I used to try to save money by shopping sales. Now I’ve learned to save money by ignoring sales and only buying what we need. (Just cause it’s on sale doesn’t mean money isn’t leaving your bank account). I want to try doing the cash only budgeting to see if I can be even more strict with myself. But it’s fun. It’s like a sport to me now. Finances are like my favourite thing these days.
Not in the San Francisco Bay Area you can’t but I guess once all the relatives pass away, we could move but I would sure miss the weather and all my friends. :(
I was a sahm for 17 years. I went back to work long enough to earn a pension. Now I am retired and set for life financially. No regrets. There are no do-overs for staying home with your kids.
Yes; very do-able. Not easy, but do-able. My wife and I went to one income with our first child, who had medical issues and required very specific care for quite a while. (She’s fine now.) My wife stayed home and I worked for a paycheck. Our other two children got the same attention, though they were healthy: one parent stayed home for a couple of years while the other brought home a check. It was a bit countercultural then, like now, but we thought it a saner lifestyle. We were right. Blessings to all families considering this step! ;-)
A great post Joshua. I would also encourage mums/mums-to-be to consider ways of earning at home – for example I am a childminder in the UK. We moved areas when I was pregnant so I didn’t have a job to go back to and my friend suggested childminding. A bit like providing daycare at home, or being a nanny/au pair in your own house. I have two additional children each day (my daughter’s friends) so I have three two year olds to look after most days. It has brought in around £10,000 per year ($14-15,000) and has allowed me to spend all day every day with my daughter. Some friends have supplemented their part-time income by doing things similar to Avon sales too. I get annoyed when people make out that I’m lucky that I get to spend my time with my daughter. We all have choices to make, and I’ve chosen to take a significant pay cut in order to be there for my daughter. I hope to reduce the days I have other children here, and the minimalist approach is going to help enormously with that. Thanks Joshua!
how about encouraging one of the parents to “consider ways of earning at home” not necessarily the mum. Bit sexist to be telling mums to stay home and not dads, actually very sexist.
I agree! So completely sexist to assume that only the mother is able to provide good care at home and only the father can earn an income elsewhere. Not to mention it completely disregards same sex relationships.
Any advice for a working mom that desires to be at home even though her kids are grown? Some folks view it as crazy to want to stay at home to be a Housewife.
Here’s the best advice you’re gonna get: Don’t. Yes it is crazy to want to stay at home to be a housewife what is this the 15th century? You shouldn’t waste your talents and gifts locked up in a house playing slave. Live your own life, don’t leave a life through your husband’s life you will regret it. There’s nothing like being useful both in the house and outside the house contributing to the world making and spending your own money going out with the girls to watch the game and knowing that you spent the money you earned not some allowance your husband gives you like you’re his kid.
If she desires to be a housewife, who are we to assume she wouldn’t be fulfilled or using her talents? Perhaps she is a fantastic cook or gardener. Or a myriad of other things. Working for a paycheck is not the only way to use one’s talents or be useful to the world.
Please do whatever makes you happy and works for your marriage. And ignore what anyone else thinks.
Hi, thanks for the article! Any ideas on types of part time jobs for moms?
We did the exact same thing. Early into my relationship even before we were married we lived on one income despite having two so the transition to one income when children came along was easier to cope with. We didn’t really know any different. We still have the same seven year old car we bought when our first child is born and I have since started my own business as a part time thing but we are still mainly living off one income and so glad that we did.
We’re a one-income household, and our income is only about $15,000/year. It’s do-able, like you said, if you make it a decision. But MAN! I wish I would’ve had the advice of living off of one income while we were still kid-less. We could’ve seen how drastically we needed to alter our spending, and it would have cushioned the financial blow when our little gremlin got here :) Thanks for the post. It’s always nice to read your blog!
GREAT post! We, too, lived off one income from the beginning of our marriage. We thought we would have children shortly thereafter but because of infertility, we had that second income much longer than expected. We continued saving it though and now, many years later, we are still reaping the benefits. Now that we have three small children, our goal has become to remain a one-income family, but split between two people so we both enjoy the best of both worlds. Here’s to making it happen!
That is our next aim too, splitting the one income between the two of us :) Good luck!
One thing to think about if you are considering going to one income is that we often tend to spend as much (or 10% more) as we earn. What I mean by this is that people will have financial struggles no matter what. I wish I had stayed at home longer with my little ones who are all grown up now. Really, that is the only true regret I have. It’s all turned out just fine, but I really cheated myself!
We’ve been 1 income for just over 13 years too and we now have 3 children ages 5, 10, and 12! Nothing has been better for us. We are grounded, frugal, and we live in a small home but it is full of love. Our income was less than 18K a year when we had our first child! I cannot believe we survived on what we did but we made it and had everything we needed plus things we wanted. It is not so hard. Now we have a much larger income but we still live simply.
PS for our fam of 5 I spend $50 a week on food! Coupons and a great knowledge of cooking helps. I learned to can and grow a big garden too!
Thank you for posting this! My husband and I live on one income, so that I can raise our daughter full-time. It’s definitely worth it and living simply has made it so much easier to do. We were a little nervous in the beginning, but once we discovered minimalism, we realized we didn’t need so much.
I would love to work part time (I still have a career I am pursuing and I enjoy a schedule) but we look at the finances and don’t know how we could pull it off. I swear we are pretty darn good with our finances. We have a lot invested in retirement and we budget ( first year and still a work in progress). Our biggest expenses are my education loans, mortgage, and daycare. My husband makes 36,000.
I have just recently become a SAHM. I feel we are better off already no day care bills is a big saving. I am studying at the moment and have more time to spend with my children after school, my partner has been fantastic and we pay small amounts into our monthly bills each week which helps alot, and only spend $100 per week on groceries and we are a family of six. If you want to be a SAHM it is truly posssible you just need to be vigilent with spending and everything else will fall into place.
I need your tricks on lowering grocery bills! We are a family of four and spend nearly $1000 a month on food. Average weekly spending is $200. We eat nearly all organic, and don’t spend time in the middle aisles. I always shop the perimeter. I’m not a coupon clipper, but maybe I should be? It’s tough because I want to continue to feed my family healthy foods, and not crap.