Last week, I posted a quote from James Altucher on Facebook that said:
“Every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, this will happen: you will resent people, you will do a bad job, you will have less energy for the things you were doing a good job on, you will make less money, and yet another small percentage of your life will be used up, burned up, a smoke signal to the future saying, ‘I did it again.’“
I didn’t think it was a particularly controversial quote when I posted it. But, it is the Internet…
One of the first comments on the post immediately pushed back against the message: “Or maybe you’ll discover something new that you absolutely love and it will change your life in a good way forever.”
Now, never mind that I don’t believe James’s quote had anything to do with never trying new things. Anyone who knows his life would understand that. It was about what we choose to say “yes” to.
Nevertheless, and regardless of whether you agree or disagree with the specific quote, the interaction provided a helpful reminder—one worth pausing to reflect on:
Every yes is also a no.
This is a principle we know to be true, but often forget. Perhaps we forget it because we fail to accept our limitation. But more likely, in a world where “more” is preached constantly, it can feel countercultural or like a sacrifice to intentionally choose no. Or it can feel, like the argumentative commenter above, that saying “no” will mean we are going to miss out.
But the truth remains: Every time we say yes to something, we are also saying no to something else.
This is not a principle we can argue against or rationalize away. It’s not opinion—it is reality.
Our lives are finite. Our time, money, energy, space, and focus are all finite. We only get so much of each. We all have one less day available on earth than we had yesterday. And once they are used, they’re gone. So whatever we choose to say yes to, we are also choosing to turn away from something else.
Economists call this opportunity cost. Defined in a textbook, it states, “Opportunity cost is the forgone benefit that would have been derived from an option other than the one that was chosen.” In other words, you can only spend your money on one thing—and once you spend it, every other thing you could have bought with it can no longer be purchased.
It’s a helpful term, and the concept plays out far beyond business schools and textbooks.
It shows up in each of our lives—every single day. Every yes is also a no—in our homes, our checkbooks, our calendars, our habits, and our hearts.
- When we say yes to buying an item we don’t need, we say no to something else—paying off debt, getting ahead financially, or an opportunity for generosity.
- When we say yes to another commitment, we say no to every alternative—or simply rest and presence.
- When we say yes to another episode of that show on Netflix, we say no to reading or solitude—or a conversation with our spouse.
- When we say yes to keeping possessions we no longer use, we say no to extra space.
- When we say yes to do something we don’t want to do, we say no to being available for something we do want to do.
- When we say yes to people-pleasing, we say no to choosing our own path.
- When we say yes to comparison, we say no to gratitude.
- When we say yes to the urgent, we often say no to the important.
We don’t always think in terms of tradeoffs. Sometimes we just say yes because it feels easier than no.
But over time, those decisions can fill our homes, calendars, and lives with commitments and clutter that keep us from what matters most. That is the greatest danger.
None of us can say yes to everything. It is wise to learn how to say yes more carefully and to determine the filters you will use to say yes, no, or maybe later.
Life is made up of limited resources—and one precious opportunity to use them well.
So be careful what gets a yes. Because something else always gets a no.
And we only get one life to get it right.
It’s all personal choices and our own personal instincts that we go by. If we don’t stray from our comfort zone now n then we become more stagnant and not taking risks. Live life without so many fears and questions.
All part of Life Lessons.
This take on choice is true up to a point. It assumes a plethora of choices without moral valence. Sometimes we choose something we don’t want to do because it is the right thing to do. This is what it means to make a sacrifice. The article does assume a level of comfort and privilege. Maybe if I pick vanilla over chocolate ice cream I miss the opportunity for chocolate. What if I can’t afford ice cream at all?
Ann, I respectfully think you’re missing the point here. Nowhere did it assume choices without moral valence, and people at all levels of comfort and privilege have choices in life, maybe just different ones. It amazes me how we can take such a simple concept and make it complicated. With finite resources, saying yes to something means saying no to something else. Period. It applies to everyone. Regarding the ice cream analogy, if you can’t afford ice cream at all, then it never was a choice and doesn’t apply to this conversation. I would argue that for people with less comfort and privilege, and therefore fewer choices, this concept is even more powerful. If you have fewer choices, making the wrong one can be even more impactful.
One last thought regarding sacrifice. Yes, sometimes we do something we don’t want to do because it’s the right thing to do. We should probably be asking the question of why we didn’t want to do the right thing in the first place. Anyway, just my opinion. Thank you for sharing yours, Ann. We’re all here trying to live the best life we can.
This article resonates with me. I appreciate the clarity in knowing that our choices are a series of trade-offs. And, that saying no is a means of saying yes. ???????? As a college student studying Economics, I remember this concept initially blowing my mind. Its relevance has played out over four decades. Thank you, Joshua, for continuing to surface this truth!
This is so TRUE. I needed a reminder that every choice has consequences. I ran a copy off and placed it where I’ll see it often.
Thank you for this, Joshua. This perspective is excellent and so well presented! I’ll be sharing this with many. I so appreciate your articles and perspectives!!
Thanks, Joshua,
This article holds truth to a life of abundance and trade-off. I used to be a “Yes, Sir / Yes, Mdm” person.
I always gave priority to the other person first to get his/her things for him/her before me/my things get started on.
Now, I choose When, What, Who, Where, Why (5Ws) and How important (1H) to say “Yes” to.
I felt more at peace with myself now, when I took back my control.
I gave more of my time, energy, focus, money and I created a more impactful result when I “Choose” the ‘5Ws & 1H’ to give help/priority to instead of scattering my time, energy, focus and money.
This article couldn’t have been any more timely. Just this morning, I was asked to join a friend on a weekend trip. I don’t want to go for several reasons and have been struggling with how to communicate that without “hurting her feelings”. Reading this gives me the courage and go ahead to choose what I want to do without feeling like I’m letting her down. Thank you.
Something I’m learning, and never hurts to be reminded of. Definitely keeping this article and email. Thank you, Joshua!
If people are intrigued by this idea, I would strongly recommend Oliver Burkeman’s book, Four Thousand Weeks. It was genuinely life changing for me in reframing how I made decisions about what to do and how to rationalise saying no.
I think we can take it a step further, and one of your bullet points mentions it. When we say ‘yes’ to one thing, we say ‘no’ not just to something else, but EVERYTHING else. Of an infinite number of paths for our lives, we choose one. Moment by moment.
Glad I said yes to reading this article.
A no nonsense breakdown of how small things remove the grains of sand in our timer.
Thank you for the alarm call.
I wish I had read this about three years ago when I didn’t say no to my family offering me furniture that I didn’t need. Now I can’t get rid of it. It’s beautiful, but I didn’t need it, and it’s intruding on my mental space. I was trying to help since her husband passed away and she moved to a smaller house.
Pam, I remember Joshua wrote an article about ‘gifts’ – maybe you gan find it her. My takeaway from it was when someone gives you a ‘gift’ it becomes yours and to do with what you wish, including give it away, sell it, or just dispose of it. That was an enlightening article to me.
Joshua, this was incredibly well thought out and expressed. Thank you for sharing it. I will reread it often in order to continue be more intentional with the life I’ve been given. You’ve been a wonderful influence on me over the years and I’m grateful for you!
thank you Joshua,
Your answer was perfect. I have said yes too many times because I thought it would make me a better person. It made me a tired person. Too often I was really choosing to spend my time with people other than my family. I regret this now, and regretted it then as well . I still help others and volunteer but now I am more carefully choosing when and where. I worry much less about what I imagine others will think of me. It is also easier to take back a no than a yes.
So true and well expressed: “It is also easier to take back a no than a yes.”
Thank you, Carol (and of course, thank you, Joshua!)
I am so happy to be given this perspective andI believe it could be life changing. I needed this today. Thank you!!!
I totally agree with your comment, Kate.
This article was profound, stunning really. It wakes one up to reality of our decisions when we often operate on auto drive; I know I do way too often. How do we orchestrate our lives to become richer, fuller, make a difference, feel more fulfilled, or be more present? It is time to pause and ask ourselves if we are saying no to something else.